Who Says?

I find myself always breaking the rules when it comes to the “traditional route” people always speak of. Like… you know, you’re not supposed to do that. I ask why? Who says? Or when people say… the right thing to do is “X”. I ask why? Who says?

Have you heard this before?

An example.

I was on a flight to Memphis and was in close quarters in first class (you can hear anyone’s conversation in first class). There was a couple talking about their son. About right and wrong. He was a senior in high school and wasn’t sure about college and what his plans are for the future. His parents were saying that the “right” thing to do would be to go to college, eventually meet a gal, get married, co-habitate, have children… and so the story goes.

Another conversation I heard the previous day – was with a couple that seemed so in love. And they were talking about their future. The man was saying how they should date for one year before they decide to become engaged. And then once they are engaged, one more year before they are married. And then wait another year before they have children.

I’ve heard this scenario far too many times.  Who made that up?

I say “who says”?

Jeeze, it’s life. You can’t plan for it. It just happens.

I feel like so many people follow the traditional route because somewhere there’s an unwritten rule on what the “right” and “wrong” way is. I think that’s bull. I think you create your path. What feels right to you? What feels wrong to you?

YOU decide.

Don’t allow someone to tell you what is right and wrong. Don’t get me wrong… growing up, your parents are there to teach you between right and wrong. But when you’re an adult – at the end of the day, you decide. No one else.

Some people feel trapped… and perhaps they are in a situation where it’s SO wrong for them. Yet, they stay in that situation because it’s the “right” thing to do.

Who says?

Again, you decide. You create the life you want to live.

There are no guarantees that life will turn out the way you want… but at least you did what you thought was good and right for you at that time. No one else should tell you how things should be or how they are done. Do it for you.

You always have a choice. Embrace your choice. You decide for yourself.

Don’t follow… lead.

… and always ask yourself “Who says”? Because it should be YOU who says how it’s going to be.

Create it. Live it. It’s your life to decide.

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1 Comment

Filed under Personal Thoughts, What's up in my neck of the woods?

One response to “Who Says?

  1. Thanks for this. Indeed, always asking about our assumptions is so important. And we’d be a better society if we did so more often. A few ideas you generated, though.

    1) As much as we may want to say, “I say because I want to” it’s also dangerous to forget that our decision totally has to do with what we’ve experienced up to that point. Sure, we need to make our own decision but just like there’s no such thing as a truly original idea, there’s no such thing as a decision uninfluenced by things beyond ourselves.

    2) I hate the assumption, as you say, date for a year, be engaged for a year, wait to have kids, etc. This may sound strange coming from a pastor, but hell, 98% of couples have sex before marriage. So that old narrative — which I’d say was never really true — is certainly not part of our contemporary reality. But it is still part of our contemporary cultural narrative and I do know folks who really do want that for themselves. I say, “great” as long as you’re aware of what you’re doing.

    Well, I’ll stop there. Thanks for the post and keep it up. And let’s keep being conscious of our decisions–and how others affect them 🙂

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