About the time you think you’re okay and that everything will work out as it should – BAM! – something happens and confuses the heck out of you. It’s frightening – almost to the point where every hair on your body stands up straight.
And then, of course, the questioning of everything comes back into play and you feel like you have to analyze everything to try and determine an answer for it all.
The ‘back and forth’ questioning that I do – is the hardest. And it definitely messes with my head. How much of this confusion can one take? Seriously. This can’t be normal!
Without going into too many details, there was a moment where I experienced something so incredibly confusing – which made me just blank out. I had no words, no thoughts, nothing. I felt numb.
I tried to make sense of it all. I tried to answer my own questions. I tried to accept it. But I had nothing. I could do nothing. I just sat in the quiet and felt nothing.
I hate being uneasy about things. I really don’t enjoy questioning why, really! But how can you not? Everything happens for a reason, but I just wish I had the reason for it. It would make things so much easier!
But who said life was easy, right?
Today my head is a bit more clear, but still full of questions. I simply have to accept what is and move along. There’s no way I can fight what is. It is — what it is.
I am aware, and will always be aware – but I am strong enough to move on and know that there is nothing I can do but acknowledge and notice it – and know that it will all work out the way it should.
That’s all I can do.
I feel like I’m constantly fighting myself. Because of the complicated nature of it all – it’s truly the only choice I have. This situation I cannot control. And I’m hardest on myself about it.
I have a constant battle with my head and my heart. It’s an every moment occurrence where both do battle with each other. I’ve learned to accept it, but I always remember to be true to myself and everything else will fall into place.
I’ll leave you with this:
Have confidence in the truth, although you may not be able to comprehend it, although you may suppose its sweetness to be bitter, although you may shrink from it at first. Trust in the Truth… Have faith in the Truth and live it.
The truth is – whatever is happening – it’s happening and I can’t control it. I just have to trust in the truth and accept ‘what is’. I know that in this moment everything is as it should be. I may not know why, or understand it – but I accept it.
At the end of the day, I am happy. And life is good!