Monthly Archives: April 2009

How & Who?

Every day I receive emails from strangers – asking me questions, commenting on what I’ve done or simply just a “hello, you made my day”.  But today I received one that was a simple question, yet it was difficult to answer… so I thought I’d answer it publicly.

“I’ve been following you for quite some time and you seem to be one amazing lady, fascinating actually. When everything gets crazy around you, how do you go back to your “roots” and stay grounded?  When you’re flying high on the top of the world, do you stay true to who you are?  And if so, how would you explain yourself in a few sentences? Sincerely, Carolyn”

Well, Carolyn, I’m going to try and sum it up for you.


How do I do it?
My family keeps me grounded and instills in me the importance of staying true to myself. They are a constant reminder for me to remember who I am and where I came from.  They are my rock, my strength and my one true love. They are the reason for my beautiful life, my success and me as a whole. They give me the love and the power I need to wake up every morning and conquer another day. My family is everything to me and I’m so grateful for them. At the end of the day when “the crowd clears and the lights go down” – they are still here for me – supporting, accepting and encouraging.

Who am I?
I’m full of love. I’m kind and caring. I put others before myself. I’m a hard worker. I’m a little sassy. I’m happy. I’m the kind of girl that can take down a man, and lift him back up again. I have a strong soul. My style is quite selective. My mind is rather reckless. I give great advice, but rarely follow it. I’m simple and easy going. I don’t need much and never ask for anything. My comebacks are quick. I’m an athlete. I’m competitive. I’m a little crazy. I’m smart. I’m giving. I’ve built a wall and rarely let people in. I’m always calm. I hold my own. I know my name. And I always go my own way.


Thanks for your question, Carolyn. I appreciate it. Be sure to check out the “I Am Woman” series as well. You’ll find I’m a lot more than what I outlined above.  Most know me by my online presence – and people think they know who I am. But I’m certain to surprise you.

Thanks again – and keep the questions coming!


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“You Gotta Be”

I have an immeasurable passion for music. I’m talking obsessive love!!  One of my all time favorite songs is “You Gotta Be” by Des’ree. I actually remember the very first time I heard it – and I felt extremely empowered! Still do…

With any good tune I hear – I listen to it over and over and over. It will then become a favorite of mine for awhile – and then I’ll find another favorite and so on. But this one has stayed on my favorite list for quite some time… and I wanted to share the lyrics and video with you here. Perhaps it will empower you too!

This is truly a fantastic song with powerful lyrics. Embody them.

Listen as your day unfolds
Challenge what the future holds
Try and keep your head up to the sky
Others they may cause your tears
Go ahead release your fears
Stand up and be counted don’t be shamed to cry

You gotta be, you gotta be bad
You gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser
You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together
All I know, all I know love will save the day

Herald what your mother said
Read the books your father read
Try to solve the puzzles in your own sweet time
Some may have more cash than you
Others take a different view

You gotta be bad
You gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser
You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together
All I know, all I know love will save the day

Time asks no questions it goes on without you
Leaving you behind if you can’t stand the pace
The world keeps on spinning can’t stop it if you tried to
The best part is danger staring you in the face

You gotta be bad
You gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser
You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together
All I know, all I know love will save the day

Listen as your day unfolds
Challenge what the future holds
Try and keep your head up to the sky
Others they may cause your tears
Go ahead release your fears

You gotta be bad
You gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser
You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together
All I know, all I know love will save the day

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Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda

It’s about that time again.  The time I hop on another plane… to another destination. When I fly – I get somewhat emotional. I’m not sure why, but I think it’s because I tend to people watch and observe everything around me.  I see all kinds of emotions. Some good, some bad, and some bittersweet.

When I fly – I feel a huge amount of loneliness. I don’t know why… there’s hundreds of people around me, yet I feel so alone. I think when I sit here and wait (something I rarely do, only because I’m always going) I tend to over analyze things. I think about where I should be – where I want to be . The decisions I wish I would have made. The paths I could have taken.

Truly, I love to travel. Love it. And someday I’ll travel with my life partner – and I know it will be fantastic. I know that I won’t feel this sense of loneliness forever – and I know that everything takes it’s sweet time.

Until then, I’m going to sit here and be grateful. Grateful for everything around me. I’m going to write this blog post about the choices and decisions you make along the way. You’re given a choice – and it’s what you do with that choice that counts.

Coulda, woulda, shoulda.

We’ve all had these thoughts.  If I could just go back – I would have done it differently – I should have…

Well, you guessed it. You can never go back and change things. But what you can do is recognize that you are in control of your destiny.  Opportunities are presented to you every day – some life changing – and it’s up to you to react and make a choice. Once that choice is made – there’s no turning back and you need to accept that.

You can’t go back. That moment has already passed you by. Maybe it’s timing. Maybe it’s fate. Maybe it’s nothing. But maybe it’s your destiny. Are you making the right choice? Are you confident in the choice you’re about to make?

If you feel 100% about a decision you make, then trust that it’s the right decision. If you’re confused, not certain, or constantly questioning yourself – know that you’re making the wrong decision. It’s okay to admit that.

I look back on my short life and – of course – I would have loved to do things differently. I made mistakes. I made bad choices. I know what it feels like to make the right choice and the wrong choice. It took awhile for me to figure it out, but I’m pretty certain I have a grasp on it now.

So when I see someone making a bad decision – a bad choice – I want to, so badly, tell them to wake up and look around. Life is short… don’t let this moment pass you by. This moment could change your life and rock your world.

But it’s not up to me. It’s up to you.

It’s up to you to make your own decisions – your own choices – and you will learn from them. Perhaps to you it may feel right, but I’m betting there are times where you’re not completely sure either. Thus, you should trust that you are not making the right decision. Maybe your decision will benefit others, but it won’t for you. And you know that.

Life is short. Your destiny is in your hands. It’s up to you – you control your destiny – just don’t let these life changing opportunities pass you by. You don’t want to look back on your life and say… coulda, woulda, shoulda.

Things will happen in your life that you cannot explain. There are no answers – no explanations. But know that these moments just don’t happen to anyone. Notice them. They could be life changing. They are happening for a reason. Take the time to recognize them… or else they will simply pass you by.

You have a choice and once that choice is made – there’s no turning back. Don’t let a life changing moment pass you by.

Coulda, woulda, shoulda… don’t let that be you.

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It’s true. . . I’ve got haters!

You read it right. I’ve got haters.

I can now say that “I have arrived”. Why?  Because I have haters. Most people say that you’ve made it BIG when you have raving fans… AND haters. You truly have to have both to be a completely rounded individual.

Does it bother me? Yes.

Just a little though.

One thing I’ve learned over the past few months is that not everyone is going to like me – it’s just part of becoming successful. It comes with the territory. I simply have to welcome it.

The more successful you are – the more people are going to judge you, and even hate you.

And I’m sure my haters are reading this blog post… so hello, haters!  Glad you’re taking your precious time to read my blog! 😉

I learned a great lesson from a mentor of mine… “If you don’t have haters; you’re not doing your job”.

And that is so true.

I also think having haters is preparing me for something bigger. And I’m sure that as my life progresses… I’ll continue to have haters – only because I’m just getting started. I’ve got a lot more to say.

I’m okay with having haters – because I’m stirring up conversation, good and bad. And most importantly, I’m challenging people to THINK on a much larger level. And that’s my intent.

It’s incredible to me how people think they know me. But I’m pretty certain that my haters have no idea who I am.

Actually, there are very few people who really know me.

Enough about the haters… how about the fans!  Now that’s more like it. I love you guys. And I know for a fact that I have WAY more people that want to hear from me… and I’m so glad for that.

I never expected to have such an impact on so many people and I’m thrilled to know that you want more!

So that’s just what I’ll do. I’ll give you what you want. MORE!

I’ll give you more… while welcoming the haters!

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Spring has FINALLY sprung in North Dakota!

I woke up this morning to the neighbors mowing their lawn – and I was more excited to hear the sound of the lawn mower than it being a Sunday! I know it sounds weird… but I have good reasoning!

I have the doors and windows open, I hear the birds talking outside, I smell the aroma of grilled hot dogs and hamburgers coming from next door  – and all of this makes me incredibly happy. Only because all of this means that summer is right around the corner… so is fun in the sun and water, water, water! I’m really looking forward to spending some fabulous time out on the river, the lake, and anywhere in between!

I’m heading to Mexico with my sisters in one month, and I’m thrilled. But I’m also looking forward to coming back home and STAYING in my swimming suit and hitting the water on a regular basis – most likely, every weekend!

Another one of my favorite things to do in the summer time is to take my nieces and nephew out on the water – and to the water park. They have a blast and I will admit, I have just as much fun. Taking the walk all the way up the stairs so the kiddos can go down the biggest water slide, that’s the best.  We wait patiently in line, we get to the top, I hold them in my lap – and down we go. And then we do it… again, again and again. Gotta love it.

This summer is going to be full of some great events. Several trips planned as well.  It’s going to be so good and I’m certain to work hard – but I’m also going to enjoy every bit of it.

So, yes, spring has sprung in North Dakota – and this makes me REALLY, REALLY happy. I’m looking forward to my first few sunburns, flip flops and the feeling of being so drained at the end of the day because I spent the whole day outside in the sun!

Happy spring everyone – summer is right around the corner. Enjoy every moment of it… I know I will!  Maybe I’ll see you around… on a sandbar.

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Confusion Takes Over… Again

image_353About the time you think you’re okay and that everything will work out as it should – BAM! – something happens and confuses the heck out of you. It’s frightening – almost to the point where every hair on your body stands up straight.

And then, of course, the questioning of everything comes back into play and you feel like you have to analyze everything to try and determine an answer for it all.

The ‘back and forth’ questioning that I do – is the hardest. And it definitely messes with my head. How much of this confusion can one take? Seriously. This can’t be normal!

Without going into too many details, there was a moment where I experienced something so incredibly confusing – which made me just blank out. I had no words, no thoughts, nothing. I felt numb.

I tried to make sense of it all. I tried to answer my own questions. I tried to accept it. But I had nothing. I could do nothing. I just sat in the quiet and felt nothing.

I hate being uneasy about things. I really don’t enjoy questioning why, really!  But how can you not? Everything happens for a reason, but I just wish I had the reason for it. It would make things so much easier!

But who said life was easy, right?

Today my head is a bit more clear, but still full of questions. I simply have to accept what is and move along. There’s no way I can fight what is. It is — what it is.

I am aware, and will always be aware – but I am strong enough to move on and know that there is nothing I can do but acknowledge and notice it – and know that it will all work out the way it should.

That’s all I can do.

I feel like I’m constantly fighting myself. Because of the complicated nature of it all – it’s truly the only choice I have. This situation I cannot control. And I’m hardest on myself about it.

I have a constant battle with my head and my heart. It’s an every moment occurrence where both do battle with each other. I’ve learned to accept it, but I always remember to be true to myself and everything else will fall into place.

I’ll leave you with this:

Have confidence in the truth, although you may not be able to comprehend it, although you may suppose its sweetness to be bitter, although you may shrink from it at first. Trust in the Truth… Have faith in the Truth and live it.

The truth is – whatever is happening – it’s happening and I can’t control it. I just have to trust in the truth and accept ‘what is’. I know that in this moment everything is as it should be. I may not know why, or understand it – but I accept it.

At the end of the day, I am happy. And life is good!

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I am Woman (Part 5)

Be sure to check out Part 1, 2, 3 and 4 of the ‘I am Woman’ series — if you haven’t already!  Direct links are below.

I am loving Margaritas. I have always enjoyed margaritas, but more than ever, I now realize that they are probably one of my favorite drinks – and I never realized that before because I would always order what everyone else was having and never experimenting for myself to determine what I really enjoyed drinking. So, after experimenting, I have two favorites – Margaritas (specifically Mango Margaritas from fab Mexican restaurants) and second, Mojitos. But not just any Mojito, one of my best friends mixes a mean mojito – and they are, by far, the best. I’ve tried several and nothing compares to the way he makes them! Yummo!

I am planning on moving. I have a couple of options in mind and I plan to go through with a move. It probably won’t happen until the fall of this year, only because I have so much going on these next few months. But I definitely need to get somewhere where the atmosphere matches who I am and provides me with a little inner peace. My love is water – and I’d love to be somewhere close to the water. So we’ll see. Stay tuned!

I am all about cover bands! While in LA, I realized that one of my passions is to spend a night out at a place where they have live cover bands. More specifically, a ‘mellow’ live cover band. I’ve heard a lot of live music, but nothing beats having a drink with a great live band singing mellow songs, and tunes that you know all the words to! Love it!

I am done with the bright shiny objects. In other words, I am jacked up and I’m well aware of it! My life has been filled with many struggles and many successes. But generally speaking, I’ve done well in everything I’ve done. I naturally get along with people, doors have opened for me and I’ve been able to do just about anything. But yet, I’m aware of this feeling I have – wondering what’s missing for me, feeling empty and ALWAYS looking for something to fill that void. Something exciting… like a new thrill or a new skill. Something. Anything. But I’m done with running after every bright shiny object, searching for that something to ‘fill me up’. I need to go deeper and figure out what I’m missing. I may never completely figure it out, but I’m determined to be fulfilled in life, so I plan to be more aware of this and hope to attract the fulfillment I need. Don’t get me wrong, I am BLESSED. But I am also aware of emptiness inside of me and it’s really hard for me to understand – but I’m ready to meet it head on – whether that means I just have to accept the emptiness or not – I am very aware of this feeling and hope to discover it in more detail.

I am in love with the Lotus chain. I have a sweet tooth – okay, a really bad sweet tooth – and I REALLY enjoy ice cream and yogurt. While in Hermosa Beach, I visited the Lotus Yogurt Shop and fell in love.  Why? Two reasons: They have some kick ass flavors and toppings AND I make it myself!  I’m all about being in control! Grab a bowl, choose a flavor, take as much as you want, choose from many, many topics, mix and match whatever it is you’re craving and then all you do is weigh it and pay – no questions or restrictions. Gotta love that. The first time I was there I had a mango yogurt with every fruit you can possibly imagine as topping. The second time I was there, I had a great chocolate flavor with cookie and chocolate toppings. Trust me the Lotus Shop is the bomb!

I am not searching. For awhile I was in the mindset that I had to search for my ‘significant other’, but a wonderful and amazing women educated me on what it means to not search and only attract. There is no need to search for my life partner, as I will continue to be who I am and I’m certain to attract the person that is meant to be. I need to do nothing other than continue my journey and discovery. She reassured me that it’s totally okay to take the time to discover you, only because that will attract everything you need in life. I will attract the right path, the right life partner, and the life that I’m meant to live. While this process can help bring our dreams of love to reality, there are other things you need to remember: 1) Get clear about what you want 2) If you’re dissatisfied and unfulfilled with your partner now, stop and move on 3) Be open to everything and let the universe surprise you 4) Love yourself the way you want to be loved and 5) Lastly, let go of what’s not working in your life and eliminate what’s bringing you down.

I am more aware than ever. Over these past few months, I’ve become more aware of things around me. Mentally and physically, I’m just aware rather than passive. And I think it’s made all the difference. By being aware – I’m able to make the appropriate changes in my life. And most importantly, being aware challenges me to think harder. I honestly believe in this:  When there is something that isn’t working for you – change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.

I am stepping out a few nights a week! I’m thrilled to have joined a co-ed basketball league, excited to finish up my scuba diving certification, and I’m looking forward to the kick ass sand volleyball team that I was asked to be on – starting in May. I’m becoming more involved in things I enjoy – because I believe it clears your mind and refreshes your body… especially when you’re a work-a-holic like me.  I honestly believe I’ll do better – more amazing – work than ever before, because of this.

I am done questioning ‘why’ because I’ll never really understand. I think we’ve all been there. We are racking are heads, trying to figure out ‘why’. And I’ve come to terms that no matter how much you question things and try to ‘figure’ them out – you’re not going to. It’s not going to make sense. It’s going to make you mad, it’s going to make you sad, and sometimes it will hurt. But don’t question it. Because everything truly happens for a reason and you’ll never know why, you just need to accept ‘what is’ and move on.

I am scared to lose more family. The one worry I have every day is losing someone close to me. My family has been through a lot and we’ve lost a lot of amazing individuals. My family is everything to me. They are my rock, my inspiration and my one true love. From my parents – to my sisters – to my grandparents. They have made me who I am. Like anyone else, it scares me to think that I would live without them. I know how the process of life works, and I understand the beginning and end of human life. But I’m still scared of it. And because of that, I hold each of them close and give my all to them whenever I can. Be sure you’re doing that too.

I am a volunteer. I love to help others in need. I was just asked to volunteer at a children’s hospital. I will be working with amazing children that have been given a few months to live. Basically helping them enjoy their final days – and bringing out their happy. I’m thrilled to have been asked to participate and I’m looking forward to making a difference in the lives of these kids. Whatever I can do to make them smile, help them in their fight, and make a difference in their life – I’m there.


Click Here to read I am Woman (Part 1)
Click Here to read I am Woman (Part 2)
Click Here to read I am Woman (Part 3)
Click Here to read I am Woman (Part 4)

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