I just finished my Christmas cards, purchased all of my gifts (online BTW) and decorated my home… yet, I feel a little empty when it comes to the Holiday’s. Perhaps it’s because the older I become, the more things change.
As an adult I now realize that it will never be as it used to be. It will never be the Christmas Eve preparing for Santa to come along – along with going to Church, then waking up the next morning to open gifts and celebrate Christmas day. It’s much different now.
My sisters both have their own families, and my parents moved away to Arizona. So this year, I won’t be with my immediate family – and it’s too bad, as that’s what I look forward to the most when Christmas rolls around. We’re going to get together on the weekend following Christmas… but that’s just not the same.
One thing that has never changed is the consistency that my grandma and grandpa give me. They always have Christmas on the same day, same time, same meal… same everything. I always know that they’ll celebrate Christmas on Christmas Eve and that we’ll go to Church, then to eat supper, then to the bar for a Tom and Jerry – and then back home to open gifts. It’s the one thing in my life that’s the same year after year.
But going to their house isn’t always easy. You see my father and brother passed away when I was younger – and their home is also a constant reminder of them. Which is good in many ways, but during Christmas I would love for them to simply be there as they always were.
I guess you could say that celebrating Christmas at my g & g’s is very bitter sweet. The group consists of my dad’s side of the family. They all have their families with them and are at peace by having their loved ones around. But with me, I feel somewhat alone.
It’s the void that I’m missing in my life – and the void I’m trying so hard to overcome. I truly think that this void will soon be filled with a family of my own someday – and that I’ll be at peace with having my loved ones around me. But as for right now, it’s just hard.
However, I am looking forward to spending my time at g & g’s house, as it’s what I’ve always done on Christmas Eve – and it’s the one consistent thing in my life and sometimes you need that consistency to remind you that you always have a place to go.
This Christmas I am truly thankful and blessed. 2008 has been good to me and I’m blessed to know that I am living and well! Now that’s something to truly be thankful for – and I am!
Merry Christmas! I hope your Christmas brings you great joy and peace!