Monthly Archives: August 2008

I am Woman (Part 1)

Bear with me as I take the first steps in outlining who I am. Keep in mind that this will take many days and nights, but I’m bound to know who I am and I’m going to write it all out.

First and foremost, I am a hard working woman. And I put this first only to show you that this is indeed one of my characteristics that I’ve worked so hard to become. But I know – deep down, that I’m one of the most hard working individuals you’ll ever meet – period.

I am a proud democrat. Truth is, this year has been the first year in my life that I can honestly, whole heartedly say that I am a democrat. For such a long time I didn’t know what I was – didn’t understand it all and was swayed quite heavenly by family and friends. But after educating myself on everything re: politics, I know that I am a PROUD democrat – and can’t wait for the day when Obama takes office. He ROCKS!

I am scared of death. I had never thought of myself as being scared of anything. Actually, nothing. I’m just not the type of person that’s afraid. But as I come to grips with death and understanding it – I know that I’m afraid of it. However, I am trying to understand and accept it… but I know that I can honestly say that I’m deathly afraid of death.

I am secluded. For some reason I have thrown up walls all the way around me. I still haven’t figured out why – but I have finally been able to be honest with myself and know that I have blocked a lot of people out of my life and I think it has a lot to do with hurting. Hurting from the past and not wanting to deal with any pain. Therefore I put up these walls so I ‘hopefully’ will not have to deal (or face) pain. I’m working on it though.

I am determined. My Mother always used to say that once I get something in my head – I’m going to do it hell or high water. Well, my Mother is right – once I get it in my head, I’ll do whatever it takes to make it happen. If I want something bad enough – I’ll work my ass off to get it! Another thing I learned from this ‘lesson’ — My Mother is always right!

I am love. I try and love everyone. Sometimes it causes heartache (trust me, I know) – but I try and share as much love as I can… especially with my family. I want them all to know that they are number one and I love each of them so much. So every day, when I wake up, they are the first thing on my mind – and every night, when I get ready for bed, they are the last thing on my mind.

I am in love with animals! Animals make my heart melt. They are definitely a woman’s best friend. Even though I don’t have any animals right now, I enjoy visiting the neighbors pets! Whenever I go to a pet place, or a pound, etc., I want to take them all with me. Trust me, If I could – I would!

I am a self-help book junkie. I love finding ways to enlighten the spirit and love to read self-help books. I find them powerful and enduring. I love thinking positive and love the sense of being calm and relaxed. My ideal setting would be reading a self help book while listening to the rain and smelling the outdoor air.

I am a collector of books. I love collecting books, but I do have to let out a secret. Most of the time, I don’t read them all. I buy them because they look pretty and I LOVE the smell of a fresh book – the feel of it is fantastic too. I know — it’s odd, but it’s totally fun! You should try it.

I am water! I love water, through and through. If I could, I’d probably be a mermaid. I love to swim. It not only makes me feel good, but it makes me feel healthy and strong. I literately could swim for hours – and normally wrinkle like a prune!

. . . TO BE CONTINUED!

Click here to read I am Woman (Part 2).

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Learning Who You Really Are

For many years, I thought I had ‘me’ figured out. I thought I knew what I wanted out of life – I was content and confident.  But this past year has been totally different for me.  It seems to me that I didn’t know myself at all.  I didn’t know who I was (or who I became).  I was and still am a bit confused as to who I really am.  I feel like I’m finally coming into my own and I’m growing into someone that I’m getting to know.

The downside to figuring out who I am now is that the decisions I’ve made in the past aren’t the decisions I necessary want now.  How do you get out from under your past if you’re surrounded by the past decisions in everything you do?  I know the direction I want to go ‘now’ but it doesn’t really mesh with where I’m at in my life right now.  Frustrating.

I’ve come to realize that Learning Who You Really Are is somewhat of a confusing statement.  Because you’re held back by the decisions that you’ve made in your past and you’re buried in the life that you created for the person you didn’t really know.  Sounds confusing — and it really is.  Maybe that’s the beauty in life – maybe you’re really not supposed to know yourself.  Maybe you’re supposed to learn to live with your surroundings and work with the cards you’re dealt.

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